So, I have a number in mind. It is a pretty high number, but not as high as I thought it was going to be. You see, I got on a scale yesterday.
I'm not proud of the number, but I'm not really that ashamed of it, either. I know how it happened. I'm not my priority. I know that I'm pretty much all I ever talk about here, but in the non-blog world, my priorities are my friends and family, my cats, my research, my students, the lab, making sure bills get paid on time, and that I'm doing all that I can to make sure that my PhD is worth something when I graduate. Oh, and for two and half years, my now ex, who provided me with opportunity and incentive to unlearn many of my good habits by making me feel like a piece of trash and only eating store-bought junk himself. On the surface, there are a lot of first-person singular possessive markers, so it still looks like I'm just talking about me. But what I'm trying to point out is, that when it comes to what my body needs and what I need to be healthy, happy and stable.
The number that I'm thinking about is what it is. So, if I want it to be something else, I have to work on it. Honestly, I've said this before and you might think this is just me trying to convince myself but, as long as I'm healthy and not miserable because my needs aren't being met, that number can stay put. The thing is, I know I'm not. I get winding walking up the stairs and my clothes fit weird.
In a previous post, I mentioned that my plan is to take lunch and snacks to school and to food journal. I've been doing really well at taking my lunch. And, remembering snacks. And, remembering to eat them. I have noticed a correlation between being hungry and not being able to get work done. And, thanks to my friend Annie I've discovered a new energy/nutrition bar. These things are kind of amazing. All of the ingredients are words I can pronounce (without resorting to a dictionary.) They are a little more calorie intense than the other granola bars I've been eating, but they are super tasty. And, well, its nice to exactly what you are eating.