Week 1 of my challenge

On the first day, while standing in warrior two, I thought, "Hmm, I'm going to have to fight myself the whole way on this." And, that's pretty much the case. 3 of the mornings this week, I've done closer to ten minutes of yoga than twenty. But, I think that by the end of the 30 days, I might actually be able to work up to 20 minutes. The thing is, my body isn't ready for some of the yoga poses. And, instead of giving it the old college try, I usually just end up staring at Rodney Yee in the video, swearing and giving up. That pose where you're in downward-facing dog, and then you lift a leg and twist? Ya. Fuck that. At least that has been my reaction this week.


Overall, though, I haven't much minded getting up the extra half-hour early and I feel better. This morning, I did (a good chunk of) the hip opening workout and it was perfect,just perfect. I didn't realize I had that much tension in my hips but as we worked through a series of poses beginning and ending with staff pose, I felt the tension releasing and my body relaxing. I've had that experience before, where you realize that some kind of emotion has been building up someplace when you feel it being released (sorry to go all dirty hippie on you), but it is still unexpected and a little surprising when it happens.

I look forward to continuing this challenge and seeing what else I learn.

Owning it

So, as the seven readers of this blog already now, I'm back in the land where I'm from visiting my family for a spell. Visiting is always complicated, maybe others disagree, when you're visiting someplace you had lived for quite a long time. There are lots of people and places you want to fit in and not a lot of time and schedules have to be taken into account and it is a delicate balancing act (which makes visiting not always the best form a vacation can taken since you end up getting up early and running around and driving...so much driving. I digress.)

Anyway, on this little trip home I had the opportunity over the weekend to go shopping with my Mother and my sister, which is always a good time. We tried stuff on and laughed and found some really nice pieces on sale (My Mom and I ended up picking out and then buying the same endless scarf, but in different colors). We were in a store that we've all been to together before, but probably not in at least a year and I turned to my Mother and I said, "Where are the fat girl clothes?" And, she was surprised by the question. I think she responded with, "The plus sizes are that way." and then she said something like, "I didn't want to use that word."

I love my Mom, she's great. And, she's also struggled with weight and body image so I know that she's sensitive to these issues and she'd never want to do anything to hurt my feelings. I appreciate that. It is nice knowing that people do take your feelings into consideration. But, I'm at this point in my life where I just want to own it. I want to use words to mean what they mean and not pussyfoot around the pragmatics of things. I'm a fat girl. And, you know, I don't feel bad about it. I'm also a smart girl and a funny girl and (shock) a healthy girl who eats a lot of vegetables and a not-to-be-trifled with girl and making an effort to save people's feelings and avoid the word 'fat' for so long as made a big deal out of being fat. And, while my size might be one of the most obvious things about me visually, it is actually one of the least important things about me in total. I feel like there should be more of the bigger picture taken into consideration.

Gym Incentives

I'm convinced my body is falling apart (and I'm only 31).

My joints hurt all the time (all the time and anything from my neck down). If I go to the doctor, worried that taking my creaky self to the gym will make something worse, I'm told the joint pain is because I'm overweight.

Thank you, Captain Obvious. I'm so glad I paid my co-pay for you to tell me something I already know and while we're on the topic of being overweight I am not so morbidly obese that mere walking will cause arthritis. I'm fat because I have enough joint pain to make a trip to the gym worrisome (at least worrisome for me, I'm a worry-wart).

I haven't been dancing this semester because the department was getting audited - in retrospect probably a good thing because my back turned into one giant problem back in February - so my activity has been limited to stretching on days when I can actually reach my toes.

In short - I need to remember to get my worry-wart, achy, creaking, too-lazy butt to the gym (I'm not a wuss, really, but I'd like to avoid any and all joint replacements in the future so I'm a little paranoid).

As incentive, I bought new running shoes today. Buying shoes (as much as I like pretty heels and kicky sneaks to the max) is problematic for me. Bunions, tendonitis, high arches, and a poopy right ankle make me overly picky about what goes on my feet. I tend to buy Nikes almost exclusively because they have enough toe room and arch support without the shoe getting too big in the heel (I really prefer Shox, which protect my knees on heel strike, but they're too expensive and almost never on sale). I bought Triax+ after trying on a boat-load of shoes* - as an added incentive I decided to splurge and get the Nike+ chip for my iPod. It will add up my running time and distance so it's a little more fun than just plain, old running shoes.

So shoes plus chip/iPod adapter was about $120 - maybe I'll try them out this evening once my knees stop screaming at me for making them carry full Rubbermaid tubs up and down the stairs multiple times today.

*Scheel's was pretty busy today with a lot of people in buying shoes...but I was the only one to take a couple of light jumps and running steps to test out each pair for fit/performance. The pair I wound up buying I actually tried and tested three times. Everyone else would put a pair of shoes on, stand up, sit down, and decide "yes" or "no" that way. How do you people do that? What if the shoes slip when you walk? You wouldn't want running shoes to slip! Or rub or pinch your toes. Blows my mind.